I’m a modern housewife of going on twelve years with three beautiful children and (for the most part) a great husband. I really actually can’t complain – it’s what I technically dreamed of as a young girl from an unstable broken home. Some days though!
Have you ever dropped the kids off at school or just gotten in the car and thought about just driving in the opposite direction to start a new life where no one knows your name! People always talk about the joys of marriage and family but rarely talk about the times when you just don’t feel like doing any of it!
My hobbies include volunteering for my kids’ sports clubs, Young Life Faith Organization and the kids’ school P.A.C. (P.T.A.) Along with loving others’ toddlers and teens!
My youngest is off to full days of Kindergarten in September and our oldest is heading back to school after a year of homeschooling – It’s finally that time for me that I’ve been anxiously waiting for!
Wait, nope! Now I’m about to have my 4th child – this certainly was not a part of my plan! One of Gods grande ideas I guess…
Individually, I feel like I’ve been in this same spot in my life for almost 12 years with no major personal growth or direction. I feel like I’ve been coasting through this last decade supporting everyone else’s growth and achievements – with none of my own.
Reading my own thoughts, I feel guilty and selfish for having them, but there’s only so much a person can give before their own cup needs to be refilled.
I am thrilled for the direction and success of certain aspects of our life as a whole. But I can’t help but feel as though they’re aspects that don’t really involve my contribution. I feel like each rare moment of clairvoyance is met with a crossroads that involves choosing between my own bliss and passion or what would appear to be best for my husband and our children – of course choosing them each time.
“The needs of the many outway the needs of the one”, Right?
I feel like I’m standing in the midst of a crowded space, where everyone is rushing off with purpose and direction – knowing exactly where they’re headed and what to expect when they get there and I’m just here. I’m standing amongst the chaos waiting for something to happen.
Where is God’s plan for me?
Am I to be no more than a bystander of this life?